Scene: A courtroom where a witness is testifying in a case involving a man biting off the ear of another man during a fight. After supplying testimony which was very bad for the defendant, the witness was being cross examined by the defendant's attorney.
Attorney: You said that you saw the defendant and the plaintiff in a fight?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: You then said that you were concerned for your safety and that, because of this concern, you sought shelter elsewhere?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: You further stated that during this time of seeking shelter, you turned your back to the fight at hand?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And THEN you testified that that was when the defendant bit off the plaintiff's ear??!!
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: Well, that makes for an interesting question then! If your back was turned to the fight then you obviously MUST have had the plaintiff and the defendant out of your field of vision, correct?
Witness: Yes, correct.
Attorney: Well then, did you SEE the defendant bite off the plaintiff's ear?
Witness: No.
Attorney: (Smugly) THEN HOW DO YOU "KNOW" THAT THE DEFENDANT BIT OFF THE EAR OF THE PLAINTIFF IF YOU DID NOT SEE HIM DO IT??!!
Witness: I saw him spit it out.
(Dead Silence)
Attorney: No more questions.
Håndværker - colic-help - skateboard - cambodia - egypt
tirsdag den 28. august 2007
onsdag den 22. august 2007
Coke Zero . dk
real taste - zero sugar - no sh-t
Jep. Egentlig skulle jeg ind på cokezero.dk for at lave lidt skæg med reklamen "life as it should be". Jeg synes imidlertid at det er en anelse kedeligt, hvorfor jeg lige så mig omkring på deres hjemmeside. Der er nogle superfede reklamer, hvor de med skjult kamera går til advokater for at coke skal sagsøge coke zero for plagiat_smag. se dem ;)
Coke zero
Jep. Egentlig skulle jeg ind på cokezero.dk for at lave lidt skæg med reklamen "life as it should be". Jeg synes imidlertid at det er en anelse kedeligt, hvorfor jeg lige så mig omkring på deres hjemmeside. Der er nogle superfede reklamer, hvor de med skjult kamera går til advokater for at coke skal sagsøge coke zero for plagiat_smag. se dem ;)
Coke zero
fredag den 17. august 2007
A PEACEFUL EVENING
(names belongs to cats)
Have you ever been knocked out by a cat ? This happened (nearly) to me yesterday evening. I peacefully watched a murder at TV and suddenly heard a long awful complain behind me which came out of the depth of Arthur's chest. He had spotted his enemy the black cat with the big head who had dared to enter the living room !
Before I could turn my head to see what happened and eventually get up and chase the intruder away, I got a hit on my head, the TV switched off alone, I heard water splashing on the ground and saw 3 shadows disappearing in all directions.
I gathered my spirits and rubbed my head and then saw what all had happened in one second. Pookie, who napped on the sofa back behind me, had jumped on my head, and catapulted herself by putting a paw on my nose somewhere into the living room.
Kim who was peacefully sleeping on the dining table had got up and kicked over the vase which was full of water. Arthur who was watching his enemy from a chair under the table had knocked it down and was invisible. Only Lisa hadn't attented this event.
Our living room looked like a battle field. The vase lay just at the border of the table. A big puddle had formed on the floor, two chairs were also laying down. The remote control had disappeared, I found it later under the sofa and I sat dazzeled there and wondered what had happened to my head, nose and me in general.
Mr. Gattino took the events in his hands. First he sweared, chased the black intruder outside, stepped in the puddle and got wet feet (which increased his vocabulary) He picked up the flowers, throw them in the vase (I had to arrange it later) picked up the chairs and comforted his little Arthur who sat there with huge eyes transformed into a pillar of ice.
Today the carpet is still wet, but the cats are fine.
Håndværker - colic-help - skateboard - tsunami - china
Have you ever been knocked out by a cat ? This happened (nearly) to me yesterday evening. I peacefully watched a murder at TV and suddenly heard a long awful complain behind me which came out of the depth of Arthur's chest. He had spotted his enemy the black cat with the big head who had dared to enter the living room !
Before I could turn my head to see what happened and eventually get up and chase the intruder away, I got a hit on my head, the TV switched off alone, I heard water splashing on the ground and saw 3 shadows disappearing in all directions.
I gathered my spirits and rubbed my head and then saw what all had happened in one second. Pookie, who napped on the sofa back behind me, had jumped on my head, and catapulted herself by putting a paw on my nose somewhere into the living room.
Kim who was peacefully sleeping on the dining table had got up and kicked over the vase which was full of water. Arthur who was watching his enemy from a chair under the table had knocked it down and was invisible. Only Lisa hadn't attented this event.
Our living room looked like a battle field. The vase lay just at the border of the table. A big puddle had formed on the floor, two chairs were also laying down. The remote control had disappeared, I found it later under the sofa and I sat dazzeled there and wondered what had happened to my head, nose and me in general.
Mr. Gattino took the events in his hands. First he sweared, chased the black intruder outside, stepped in the puddle and got wet feet (which increased his vocabulary) He picked up the flowers, throw them in the vase (I had to arrange it later) picked up the chairs and comforted his little Arthur who sat there with huge eyes transformed into a pillar of ice.
Today the carpet is still wet, but the cats are fine.
Håndværker - colic-help - skateboard - tsunami - china
tirsdag den 7. august 2007
Sony Ericsson, W580i
Sony Ericsson, W580i, er nyeste(lige p.t) telefon på markedet, og er lidt specielt, da den er en "walkman mobiltelefon", hvilket vil sige at den leverer fuldt ud lige så god lyd, som andre musik apparater. Skal du have skiftet nummer i en fart? ryst telefonen en gang, og "shake control" vælger et tilfældigt nummer fra afspilningslisten ;)
Sony Ericsson w580i
Sony Ericsson w580i
The Day Walls Spoke?
I was walking home from class one day, or rather, one night, for the sun had set a long time before. I shivered and zipped my coat up as a cold wind whipped around the corner of the history building. I wished for summer, or at least early fall.
Stopping at the corner of Main Street I waited for a brief pause in the oncoming headlights then walked across. On the other side I stopped and pondered, for I had two options. I could walk down Main Street and take the way which was longer but had street lights, or I could take the short way, which had no lights. I decided to take the short way, partly because it was as we all know shorter, but also because I knew every bump and bush on it.
Proceeding down this dark road I was blinded by the cars, but this was no concern to me. I just stepped a few feet off the pavement and onto the lawns. This strategy worked well until I came to the top of a hill, where there were no lawns. In fact, there was nothing at all. The side of the road was a steep bank with lots of bushes. Usually I would have walked in the road at this point, but it was dark and the cars would be coming over the hill with too little time to see me. I decided to cross the road and walk on the other side. This was not much of an improvement; it was the same steep bank, only without the bushes. Finding I couldn’t walk on this incline, I climbed to the top of it where there was a stone wall. It was in many respects a normal stone wall, except it had been built with flat rocks. Walking along the wall, I soon passed the place where the road was so dangerous. I looked down to jump off the wall, and saw that it was only about 8 inches high, an easy step. I stepped off the wall, and into 2 feet of leaves.
I fell, hopelessly trying to regain my balance and wondering how the ground had so inexplicably given way, for ground is not in the habit of doing so. I said I fell, but that would be a lie. My 30 pound backpack and I fell, but my knee didn’t. It decided to stop and have a short conversation with the wall. The knee and the wall conversed thus, and came to the conclusion that the encounter was painful. The knee decided that this was important information, and wouldn’t the brain like to know? The brain said that no, it wished this information had not been given to it, but now that this error had been made perhaps the best course of action was to call the wall a pile of cow dung. This accomplished little, so the brain called the backpack a pile of cow dung. The backpack responded that it was merely an innocent bystander, and could the brain tell the body to get off, for it was squishing the $200 TI 84 calculator. The toes asked what all the noise was about, and why was the knee being such a wimp? The knee told the toes to shut up and get a life. The brain asked the right knee why it was always running into things, to which the knee responded it was the brain’s job to watch where it was going. The brain said it was the eye’s job, and the eyes said they didn’t want to get involved. The knee said it was time for a change in management, and the butt volunteered. The kidney said something, but no one could make out what it said except for the liver, who collapsed into convulsive laughter until the heart told it to shut up. The brain was silent, so the mouth decided to take matters into its own hands. Calling everything within earshot a stinking pile of cow dung, it voiced the general opinion of everyone involved.
Having thus driven itself more insane than it already was, my body struggled, got up, made sure the TI 84 and the knee were both in one piece, and hobbled home. My knee insisted in swelling up and becoming quite painful.
I think I’ll fire it.
Håndværker - colic-help - skateboard - dark matter - islam
Stopping at the corner of Main Street I waited for a brief pause in the oncoming headlights then walked across. On the other side I stopped and pondered, for I had two options. I could walk down Main Street and take the way which was longer but had street lights, or I could take the short way, which had no lights. I decided to take the short way, partly because it was as we all know shorter, but also because I knew every bump and bush on it.
Proceeding down this dark road I was blinded by the cars, but this was no concern to me. I just stepped a few feet off the pavement and onto the lawns. This strategy worked well until I came to the top of a hill, where there were no lawns. In fact, there was nothing at all. The side of the road was a steep bank with lots of bushes. Usually I would have walked in the road at this point, but it was dark and the cars would be coming over the hill with too little time to see me. I decided to cross the road and walk on the other side. This was not much of an improvement; it was the same steep bank, only without the bushes. Finding I couldn’t walk on this incline, I climbed to the top of it where there was a stone wall. It was in many respects a normal stone wall, except it had been built with flat rocks. Walking along the wall, I soon passed the place where the road was so dangerous. I looked down to jump off the wall, and saw that it was only about 8 inches high, an easy step. I stepped off the wall, and into 2 feet of leaves.
I fell, hopelessly trying to regain my balance and wondering how the ground had so inexplicably given way, for ground is not in the habit of doing so. I said I fell, but that would be a lie. My 30 pound backpack and I fell, but my knee didn’t. It decided to stop and have a short conversation with the wall. The knee and the wall conversed thus, and came to the conclusion that the encounter was painful. The knee decided that this was important information, and wouldn’t the brain like to know? The brain said that no, it wished this information had not been given to it, but now that this error had been made perhaps the best course of action was to call the wall a pile of cow dung. This accomplished little, so the brain called the backpack a pile of cow dung. The backpack responded that it was merely an innocent bystander, and could the brain tell the body to get off, for it was squishing the $200 TI 84 calculator. The toes asked what all the noise was about, and why was the knee being such a wimp? The knee told the toes to shut up and get a life. The brain asked the right knee why it was always running into things, to which the knee responded it was the brain’s job to watch where it was going. The brain said it was the eye’s job, and the eyes said they didn’t want to get involved. The knee said it was time for a change in management, and the butt volunteered. The kidney said something, but no one could make out what it said except for the liver, who collapsed into convulsive laughter until the heart told it to shut up. The brain was silent, so the mouth decided to take matters into its own hands. Calling everything within earshot a stinking pile of cow dung, it voiced the general opinion of everyone involved.
Having thus driven itself more insane than it already was, my body struggled, got up, made sure the TI 84 and the knee were both in one piece, and hobbled home. My knee insisted in swelling up and becoming quite painful.
I think I’ll fire it.
Håndværker - colic-help - skateboard - dark matter - islam
torsdag den 2. august 2007
Masterseek
Masterseek.com is the larget business2business seach engine in the world.
Here you can acknowledge information and contact details from more than 45 million companies from all over the world, located in 75 countries. You can search for a given type of company within any range: locally, regionally or globally. Try it out and find what you seek.
masterseek
Here you can acknowledge information and contact details from more than 45 million companies from all over the world, located in 75 countries. You can search for a given type of company within any range: locally, regionally or globally. Try it out and find what you seek.
masterseek
Nappy Trails to You
Me and a bunch of friends were throwing a party down in my woods like we did every weekend. Well I made my way down to the party and by the time I got there, my friend was already throwing up next to the fire just about passed out in a chair. Well we kept the party going drinking and whatever when the cops came. Well by this time he's passed out. We can't leave him behind so we pick him up, run thru the trails and up a hill with him, and end up having to break into his house thru a window and carry him upstairs into his bed without his parents waking up. Til this day, he still remembers none of this and hasn't drank heavily since.
Håndværker - colic-help - skateboard - terror - cat&kid
Håndværker - colic-help - skateboard - terror - cat&kid
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